A second missed oppurtunity

Growing up even feeling like a girl and knowing i should be a girl I could also be a tomboy. I still played with many boy toys like was expected. I enjoyed playing in the outdoors and could be somewhat rough and tumble. But I also liked some of the girlier things too.

Besides the before mentioned liking Care Bears and Rainbow Brite I loved dolls as well. From an early age i loved all things space and when they came out with an astronaut Barbie and Astronaut Cabbage Patch kid dolls i was dying to own both. But could never bring myself to ask for either because even at that age i'd been told boys don't play with dolls.

Then on a visit to my female cousin's home in North Carolina all we had to play with were girl's toys and i admitted to her mother also a cousin of mine that I loved playing Barbies and she asked me if i'd like her to buy me one and send it to me back home. At first i jumped on it and when asked which one and since astronaut Barbie was no longer available i told her a wedding Barbie because she was so pretty and again what girl doesn't want to be a beautiful bride some day. She said she'd do it. Sadly before the trip was over my cousin who was about my age made fun of me for liking Barbie and i told my older cousin i didn't want one after all. I never got my Barbie and i look at it today as another missed opportunity on the journey. I did that trip admit to my older cousin for the first time i had ever admitted to anyone that I wished i was a girl. She told me my mother had always wanted a daughter. She seemed supportive but probably thought it was just a phase and we never spoke of it again.