Average Bisexual TS woman's blog

In a previous post i talked about Christmas eve and my dreams crushed so many years. Every Christmas eve when I would fall asleep dreaming i'd either wake up to find i was really a girl and i'd go out to find Santa had brought me the right presents or that my family would figure out i was a girls and i'd wake up to new clothes, new toys and the start of a new life under my tree. Every year i was disappointed. The year after my secret was discovered i'd hoped my dad might come to his senses and make it all alright sadly none of this ever happened. Just the dreams of a little girl trapped in the body of a boy.

Growing up Christmas was always a big family event. Christmas eve was spent at my dad's parents for dinner, family and presents. Christmas Day was spent at home then Christmas night we went to my mom's parents for more of the same. Growing up my brother and I were never hurting for presents and we usually got what we asked for and even if we didn't we usually forgot when we saw everything we did get. Toy wise growing up my Christmas list were typical boy toys. As i said even if my mind said i was a girl i was still a boy on the outside and a tomboy in my interests. However I had mostly female cousins growing up nd i did envy them getting pretty new clothes, and dolls and getting to wear the pretty Christmas dresses like this one. I wished i could have been among them. As they got older the toys and clothes turned into clothes and makeup and more grown up girly gifts and i envied it even more. One of my maybe stranger memories of envy was a gift my grandparents gave to...

Over the years I've held a variety of jobs, I've been a cashier, a teacher, worked in retail sales, a camp counselor, and even a carnival ride operator. For the last two years however I've been working as a banker. It's funny in this industry the higher up jobs are held by predominantly men but the day to day jobs like mine are mainly women. I work in an office doing a combination of customer service. and loan work. Most of my office is women only 4 men if you include me. The women i work with however i envy. They are all friends, not catty. They have girls nights they get along great and even hang out outside of work. But they see me as one of the guys. I hear them discussing hair, and clothes and shoes and wish i could join in and comment on cute outfits and shoes and the like. I wish i could go out to girls night with them. I also get a chance to see the current fashion trends for women my age and wish i could ask where they got that outfit or those shoes? Etc. Man...

Wit it more difficult to get around town i discovered the joys of online shopping. I was able to shop this way without getting any strange looks from sales staff and could find some great deals on clothing. My online shopoing trips resulted in more undergarments but also more outerwear including some cute denim skirts, a couple pairs of capris pants a dressier skirt and several cute tops as well. I finally had some every day wear appropriate for a woman my age. I still didn't have the courage to wear it outside the house but was wearing bras and panties daily in and out of the house. My life was back on track and it felt good.