So thats what i am?

First off that is not me in the picture i wish i looked liked that. The title of this blog post is what said to myself after seeing an episode of the old Phil Donahue talk show around 1990. This was the days before every talk show was a Jerry Springer type circus when intelligent topics were discussed and Transsexual women were not portrayed simply as gay men and sex objects. That day I saw this beautiful woman Caroline "Tula" Cossey. As a young male by birth my first thought is wow she's attractive. Then my dad sais "She's a  man". I was stunned. How could this beautiful womwn be male and they were saying she had posed for Playboy a magazine that even at that age i knew featured naked women not men. So i kept watching and learned she had been born male but was transsexual and had surgeries to turn her into a woman. I had no idea the details of how this worked but i realized i was not the only boy longing to be a girl. And now I had a name for it. I finally knew i was not alone and there was hope that one day i could be the girls i always wanted to be.

My dad had his own explanation of course that transsexuals were just gay men who became women. I was pretty sure i was not gay but that made me want to learn more. And in a day before widespread internet talk shows like Donahue, Ricki Lake and others provided some of my first knowledge on the subject. Thankfully they did so in a much more respectful way than shows today would. I would have to wait a few years to learn more but even before that I was starting to have another realization about myself but more on that in the next few days.